I’m starting to believe less in coincidences and more in an eternal plan.
Looking at where I am now and where things are going, it’s hard to believe that it all just happened. I am now more inclined to believe that it was all planned out to happen from the beginning, and that all the things that have happened in the last year or so happened for this time, so that this new life could about. It makes much more sense to believe that it all happened so this could happen rather than that this is happening because of it.
Life is hard. It’s hard to live and it’s darn hard to understand. Half the time I don’t even know what I’m doing, but I’m starting to better understand that there is someone who does. There is someone who knows where my life needs to go and what needs to happen in order for me to get there. I am starting to see His hand not just in the big things that occur in my life, but all the little things as well. Each day has been filled with getting me one step closer to where I need to be.
I suppose that I could dive into great detail about all the things that have happened and how they’ve all connected to this point, but that would be something better suited for a novel rather than an amateur blog post. The point is that is has all connected, and that I couldn’t really see how until now. It’s rather amazing to look back and see how each step has been something that needed to happen – even though I may not have seen it that way at the time. In order to get to this point, everything had to start so long ago, and I didn’t even realize it.
Last night I thought about all the people in my life today. I thought about the person that I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I truly believe that a year or a year and a half ago I would not have been able to sustain this life. I don’t think I would have been mature enough (in many different ways) to deal with a lot of what I do on a daily basis. I don’t think it’s that I take life too seriously now, but rather that I’m serious about life. I have a different attitude and perspective on a lot of things. I am grateful for so much more. I don’t want things just handed to me, I want to earn them (or at least feel like I did). I am certainly not anywhere near understanding everything about life and the world – I don’t expect I ever will be – but I honestly feel like I’ve progressed. That’s the best I can do, right?
As I reflected on the people I surround myself with now as opposed to a year ago I’m reminded of when I studied Emerson’s Circles. In essence, it’s proposed that we must all work to expand our various circles in life. I’m not talking about social circles, though the same principle may apply. In a social setting, one wants to expand their friends and contacts in order to get further ahead in life. From an academic standpoint, we must do the same to get intellectually further in life. There are circles for everything in our lives: books, music, friends, travel, food, religion, love, technology, etc. When we can draw new lines around the circles we are currently living within, then our circle expands and we reach new levels of understanding and appreciation. This is of course a very basic explanation, and hopefully it will suffice with what I am trying to say.
My “friend” circle has expanded rather interestingly. I am very grateful for all the people I associate with these days, and I’ve learned a lot from all of them. I had been stuck in my previous, smaller circle boundaries for so long that when I was forced to draw new boundaries it was frightening to say the least. However, getting over the initial jump has done wonders. The thought that so many of my closest friends will be moving away or pursuing different lives in the next few months isn’t as terrifying as it might have been before. I’m excited to meet new people; to expand my circle even further. That’s not to say that I want everyone to leave, but I am prepared to deal with it because of the things I’ve learned from all of them.
It’s just another one of the things that has required so much planning to the point where any coincidences landing me here are impossible.
I’ve always believe that God has a plan for me. I used to think that it was a general (and maybe even flexible) outline had a lot of blank spots where anything could happen. I’m starting to believe less and less in that. Instead I see His hand everywhere, guiding me to where I need to be. Whether it be my friends, family, or even where I go to school, He is there. With each step my circles expand and my appreciation and love of Him grows exponentially.
I am so grateful of where I am, and I’m excited to see where I’m going to be.